Restraining Order Dirty Tricks

Here are the dirty tricks that the system uses against the REAL victims of restraining orders - those falsely accused.

These "dirty tricks" are used again and again against restraining order defendants in both District and Family Courts, because they work so well:

Dirty Trick No. 1

The So-Called "Victim Witness Advocate", usually working out her own tortured past in a life dedicated to revenge against men, will tell the woman how to falsely claim she has been abused or fears abuse.

Every court now has one of these creatures on its staff known as a victim-witness advocate, whose job is to assist women to obtain restraining orders. This odious person is paid for by tax dollars, often from a "Violence Against Women Act" (VAWA) grant. They are usually maladjusted, and seek the job in order to wreak revenge on some male figure in their own life, real or imagined, who may have wronged them in the past. The advocate, inevitably a woman, often deeply emotionally scarred, is frequently working out her own twisted past vicariously through the women she "helps", and is intent on taking it out on every man she can ruin, through her "clients". If you wanted revenge on the male of the species, there is no better job.

This so-called "advocate" will sit with the woman seeking a restraining order, and help her fill out the application for it, and give her the language that she knows will provoke the judge to issue an order. That is why the same phrases appear so often:

"I just don't know what he may do", or

"I feel that I and my children are at risk", or

"He has guns."

This pathetic figure then accompanies the woman into the courtroom, and stands with her to give her moral support as she lies to the judge about her fear and abuse. Often she will stroke the hand or back of the "victim" or perhaps shed a tear to provoke some needed drama.

Thankfully, she is not allowed to speak, but her presence is itself a terrible signal that due process has been abandoned, because only one side gets a free legal helper, and the other does not.

Dirty Trick No. 2

The entire system - the court, the cops, the clerks - all try to hide the most important piece of information from you, the defendant - the affidavit that the woman fills out to state why she wants the order.

What is an affidavit? (pronounced: Aff-I-DAVE-it) Only the most important piece of paper in a restraining order hearing, and everyone in the system wants to keep you from seeing it until the hearing, when it is too late.

An affidavit is a written statement, made under the penalties of perjury, in which she writes the actual facts that she claims entitles her to an order. She MUST fill one out, explaining in detail what abuse or fear of abuse you have perpetrated upon her.

Here is the rub - they don't get served with the order, and no one even tells you they exist. And, unless you 1) Know about the document; and 2) go to court and get it, you will not see the thing until you are standing in front of the judge.

I cannot stress the importance of getting this affidavit BEFORE the hearing enough. In it, you will find her allegations - what she is accusing you of. Unless you get it in advance, you cannot know what witnesses or documents to bring in to prove your case against any false allegations in the affidavit.

Be warned: When you go to the court to get the affidavit, they will give you more grief than you can imagine to get the affidavit, even though this is your own case where you are a party! It would be unfair for you to have the information about her allegations, now wouldn't it??!! You might stop the lying, and we cannot have that.

You may have to beg, plead and argue with the clerk to get the thing. Be persistent. Some courts even make you fill out a motion form and go in front of the judge. If they do, go to the trouble. Almost anything is worth it to get this document.

Once you get the affidavit, then you can put together a defense, getting witnesses who can testify that you didn't so what was accused, getting phone records to show you didn't make a call, getting receipts to show you weren't where she said you were, etc.

No wonder they don't want you to have it - they are so full of lullabies, legends and lies, than many orders are vacated when the truth comes out later,

All a woman has to do is claim that she has fear, and they will give her an order.

Dirty Trick No. 3

The burden of proof in a restraining order hearing is: If she says it, it is true.

In no other kind of court hearing do we assume that a statement made by a complaining party is true, without proof. In restraining order hearings, that is how it works. The standard seems to be - If she says it, it's true. If you say it, it is not. In the battle of "he said, she said", she wins just about every time.

So what do you do? You need to get outside proof that she has not told the truth - a person who saw the encounter she says was abusive, phone records to show you did not make the call, or something else concrete and objective.