Resentful, Greedy, Manipulative Mother's Guide to Destroying Your Children and Their Father (Satire)
Here is a woman's fail-proof guide to ruining your ex using Family Court, state agencies, and their ignorant biases. If you are a resentful, greedy, manipulative woman with children, it will work every time. Of course it will destroy your children.
Are you seething with resentment at the father of your children. Are you willing to manipulate the jerk using the system so you really come out on top? Then this article is for you. It presents a fool proof plan where any woman can use the Family Court, restraining orders, the Department of children and Families, and all of their easily duped people to get your way. If you follow this plan carefully, you can bring him to utter ruin. When you are done with him, he'll be dead broke, friendless, childless, jobless, and ready to kill himself.
Only one catch: There is a price to pay for this awesome outcome - you will destroy your children and your own soul in the process. But, hey, you can work all that out later. Kids don't need both parents anyway, despite all the research to the contrary. They rebound.
So as a service to vengeful, greedy, manipulative mothers everywhere, MassOutrage sets forth, for the first time, the entire Plan To Destroy Your Ex And To Get and Keep Custody Of Children Forever. (The "Plan") Whether your motive is spite, vengeance, money, or power, The Plan will work for you.
Please be advised that The Plan may only be viewed by mothers, not by fathers. Be careful to not allow this information to get into the hands of any fathers, because they may figure out how to beat it, and it may result in them actually strengthening their relationship with their children. That could totally mess things up for you, and damage the important goal of scarring the hearts and souls of your little ones, in order to put the hurt on dad, (as he so richly deserves.)
Before revealing the actual text of The Plan, here are a few preliminaries:
Children Need Both Parents
The well known first absolute rule of all family law is that children need both parents. Every researcher, except the most radical kooks, all affirm that. So, how do you get around the obvious impediment that it is in your child's best interest to have a good relationship with his or her daddy. This could stop The Plan dead in its tracks if you don't deal with it. Never fear - The Plan takes care of even this terrible problem.
There are some things working in your favor. First, the family court makes tons of money when they order sole custody to one parent and big child support to be paid by the other. It's all summed up in one phrase of Gangsta's Paradise, by rapper Coolio: "Power in the money, Money in the power."
Your agenda may be a little different than the court's agenda, but you both are working toward the same interest - Keeping the children with you, not dad, and getting him to pay dearly. We all know that most of the people employed in drone positions at the court have an agenda which affirms that children are better off in the mother's care full time, so they are working for you. What's a little vengeance or maybe justifiable anger on mom's part anyway, when there is such big cash to be made?
In any case, be ready for the father to stubbornly insist that your children need their daddy, so you better be ready to call him an abuser and show why it is true. Careful execution of The Plan will make that claim stick.
The Iron Triangle
The heart of the Plan is what I call The Iron Triangle of Family Law, which I will explain, before introducing the actual Plan.
The key to getting and keeping children from the other parent is to use all three sides of the Iron triangle against that parent. What are those three sides? First, a Restraining order in District Court; Second, a Dept. of Children and Families case in Juvenile Court; and Third, a divorce or paternity case in Probate and Family Court.
The Plan shows how these three elements of The Iron Triangle work together, to get and keep custody of your children. Try to not let concerns about the children's pain, heartbreak, and horrible future influence your proper use of the The Plan to carry out what is best for you. These tactics are dirty, slimy and underhanded, and THEY WORK.
So, here it is:
THE RESENTFUL, GREEDY, MANIPULATIVE MOTHER'S PLAN TO GET AND KEEP CUSTODY OF CHILDREN
Here is THE PLAN which explains the nearly foolproof way to get and keep custody of children, and to make fathers pay. There are variations which can be adapted to special circumstances, of course, but expert players have always learned the rules, and then learned to break them for even better outcomes.
FIRST, Start with the domestic abuse restraining order - Side One of the Iron Triangle.
A restraining order under Mass. General Laws Chapter 209A against the father is the hammer, the fist, which delivers the first blow in any good plan to get custody. For maximum destruction, it should be obtained in the District Court, not the Probate and Family Court, because the District Court cannot order visitation.
A Chapter 209A restraining order is obtained easily by lying to the judge and telling the judge you feel "fear", and "you don't know what he may do". It usually works every time. A victim witness advocate in the court will assist you to place the correct lies on the application, and to state them for maximum impact.
Make sure to also put the children on the restraining order as co-victims by claiming that the father has put the children at risk or emotionally abuses them. Just make up any old thing and the judge will buy it. Then, you instantly cut off the children from their father at the very minute the order is issued. Ah, sweet.
In a minute or two in court, the order will be issued, and The Plan is underway. Cool! Having such an order against the father is proof positive to all others, including all other courts, all your girlie-girl friends, as well as your family, (who do not understand how easy it is to get an order), that he is a vile abuser, and you are a victim.
When you go to family court later for your divorce, it will be established, by virtue of the restraining order, that he is an abuser. When he wants to visit with the children, he will only be able to get supervised visits, or even better, none at all. By doing it this way, you avoid a messy custody hearing, where the father could bring up actual facts or arguments about his love for or relationship with the kids. How ridiculous! The domestic violence card trumps everything, and drowns out his protests about not seeing the children.
There are several other important reasons you must get the restraining order in District Court, not Probate and Family Court. First, they are REALLY easy to get in District Court. Second, it separates the information about abuse from the custody determination, so the judge in the family court can't know you lied in the District Court to get the order. Divide and conquer is the name of the game. Third, the principle of "comity" operates to your advantage, which means that a second court will honor what the first one did, and rarely change it. Thus, the family court will leave the District Court order in place, because they will assume it was obtained on real and legitimate grounds. Us girls know better, but so what?
And lastly, if you go to District Court it will stay in place longer that way. Family Court has lots of hearings, where he could come in and get rid of the order, once the truth becomes known that he is a good father who has never abused his children. However, the Family court judge doesn't want to mess with amending the District Court's order, because it is just more work in an already very overloaded schedule. So, long past when the family court judge knows there is no grounds for an order - since the evidence about no abuse by the father eventually will be exposed - it is still easier to leave the District Court order in place. What a system! Works like a charm.
SECOND, Call The Mass. Dept. of Children and Families ("DCF") - The Second Side of the Iron Triangle.
This agency, which used to be called the Dept. of Social Services (DSS), can easily be used to subdue the father, because its people are stupid, stupid, stupid. All you have to do is call the DCF child abuse 800-number hotline and allege he has abused the kids, and voila, they are all over it. The more dramatic the story about abuse, the better result you will get.
After you make a report, then a dopey DCF investigator, 23 years old and childless, and who wants to save the world from abuse but who couldn't find her own butt with both hands, will come out and do a so-called investigation. That will probably consist of an interview with you and not with the alleged-perp father, and maybe with a school counselor or relative of the mother. They will then conclude that the father is an abuser and issue a written finding to that effect. Of course! Duh!
Make sure you get a copy, so when you go into family court, you have both the restraining order and the DCF abuse judgment to prove that the Dad is an abuser, and you will win big. The judge will not look past the surface to get to the actual facts, so don't worry - Your lies won't be discovered until much later, if at all.
These tactics are dirty, slimy and underhanded - AND THEY WORK.
THIRD, File an emergency motion for full custody in Probate and Family Court - The third side of The Iron Triangle.
If you are smart, you will have gotten a free lawyer by now, since you are a victim of "domestic violence". Maybe you will have gone for a few days to a domestic abuse shelter, just to play the drama out a little more. Anyway, you then have the lawyer file an emergency complaint in the Probate and Family court, and get a quick temporary motion date, so you can move to end visits right now with the "abuser".
At the visitation motion hearing, your lawyer should accuse the dad and say whatever lie about him and abuse that comes to her mind. You have the restraining order, the DCF finding, and maybe a note from a shelter. You should also get the tears going, so the judge will know what a victim you are. If called upon to speak, you tearfully recount your fear of abuse, your concern for your children being "at risk", and then just sob uncontrollably.
You'll walk out of there with an order giving you full custody of the children and no visits with their father, or at worst, supervised visits at some hell-hole of a supervised visitation center "manned" by women named "Moose" and "Chuck" or something, for which he will have to pay a lot of money. Bwa-ha-ha.
FOURTH, Go in for the Kill - Make a false police report about a restraining order violation and get him arrested and put in jail.
A restraining order gives you incredible power. He can't see you or the children, and has to watch his back every minute to make sure he isn't violating it, because that is a crime. So, to really show who is boss, and to have some good dirty fun, you need to go all the way and get him charged with a violation of the order.
All you have to do is make something up to tell the police, like he called and threatened you, or drove by your house, or maybe went to the emergency room when your child was hurt, or just about anything. It really doesn't matter whether it is true or not, since the system rarely checks. For this small price to pay in throwing away your integrity and your soul, you'll soon enjoy seeing him hauled away in handcuffs, preferably at work or somewhere that will cause the most possible embarrassment. Try not to get caught giving him the middle digit as you sneer while they are arresting him.
Oh, and when the children cry their hearts out that Mommy put daddy into jail, just tell them that daddy was bad, and has to learn to be nice.
Making a false allegation of violation of the restraining order has many advantages: It adds to your proof of his being an abuser when you go to family court, costs him a bundle for legal fees and lost work, and humiliates him even more in front of his friends, family, and employer.
What's not to like?
The only problem may be that eventually you will have to swear to the false allegation under oath. Don't worry - they don't prosecute perjury.
FIFTH, Go For the Dough! -
Now you have him right where you want him: Emotionally beaten down, charged with a crime, falsely accused on every front, slandered all over town as an abuser. Could it get any better? Well, yes. Now it's time to take all his money, too.
Whatever you do, don't forget to get your money out of the dad at the temporary motion hearing when you ask for custody. You deserve it! You put up with the jerk for long enough. The new child support guidelines allow you to get two pounds of flesh, not just one, so get ready to party. Make sure that you fill out a child support guidelines worksheet to establish the correct amount.
SIXTH, File a Complaint for Contempt for Child Support
If he gets the slightest bit behind on child support, have your free lawyer file a complaint for contempt immediately. Then you get your money, and the lawyer gets huge attorneys fees, plus you get to give him a big smirk as he slumps dejectedly out of the courthouse.
If he has lost his job and can't pay the child support, it will be even more fun. You can get him put in jail for non-payment of support. Does it get any better than this?
SEVENTH, Keep the temporary order in place as long as possible -
The longer the order for support is in place, the more the father will suffer. (Of course the children are suffering too, because they can't see their daddy, but that is no matter.) If he comes in to court to get it changed or to get more visits, weep and wail some more about abuse and violence and risk to the children. It will work. Ignore the sad eyes of your children.
EIGHTH, Take the children to "Therapy" -
This part of The Plan is critically important. You need to find a gullible therapist or social worker right away to take your children to see, in order to get expert opinion for court about the effect of the "abuse" on the children.
How do you find a good one? Here are some key factors: The therapist or psychologist or social worker should be willing to speak only with you, and never hear from the "abusive" father, because it may put her 'at risk'. The therapist has to be personally not very well adjusted, and must believe that men are evil abusers and women are victims. Most of all, the therapist has to know how to manipulate the innocent minds of your children to hate their father and to make them believe he is a bad man.
If you can find one like this - and they are out there in droves - you will have the case pretty well locked up. Courts think expert psychologists and social workers are gods for some absurd reason, even though there is almost no science involved. Just use that to your advantage, and get one of those "good" ones to help you.
NINTH, Obstruct, Obstruct, Obstruct -
If the Father does somehow get some visits with the children, make sure to cause as much disruption and as many problems as possible. Bring the children late for visits, or call and say a child is "ill" and cannot visit that day.
One of the most important things you must do is complain to the visitation center that the father is being totally inappropriate with the children at the visits, and that visits should be suspended. Then, ask the supervisor to make an unfavorable report to the court asking for visits to be stopped immediately. Incredibly, visitation centers don't even allow the children and the father to discuss their previous lives together, show pictures of pets, or do anything remotely normal or human. Isn't that great? It gives you loads of opportunities to shut down the visits. Your little ones will get over it.
After creating a false crisis at the visitation center, file a motion at court to end the visits. At the hearing, give the judge the bad report from the visitation center and tell the court that the children are totally unmanageable when they return from visits. (Obviously, you know it is false, but because they are so excited to see their father, this can't be allowed to go on.) These time-proven tactics should stop visits dead in their tracks, if you work them right.
Dealing With The Guilt
Well, that is The Plan. It works almost every time if you hang tough and don't succumb to guilt over the trauma you are inflicting upon your children and concern over your own perjury and manipulation of everyone in the system. Come on, sister! The emotional destruction of your children is a small price to pay for such a great triumph of money and power, and the sheer joy of utterly ruining your children's father.
What is your problem, girl? The system WANTS you to do this. The system gave you the restraining order, the system gave you the DCF supported finding of abuse, and the system gave you the court order keeping your children from their father. It would not have done that if it wasn't the right thing to do, would it?
Or would it?
One minor problem may show up later: Your children may eventually find out that you lied to them about their father. When they grow up, they may find out that he wasn't the monster you told them about, and that they were cheated out of a father during their childhood. They may resent you at that point. Oh, well. You had them when it counted, when they were worth big money to you, so don't sweat it. And who knows, maybe you can fool them again, just like when they were young. Your magic touch may still work.
Or maybe it won't. And maybe you'll die old, bitter, and alone. But, not to worry. You won, didn't you? Or maybe you didn't.